Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
