my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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