the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
