i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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