Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
