just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
