So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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