see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
