Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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