He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
