is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
