yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
