Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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