Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
