All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
