the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
