Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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