Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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