Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
