You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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