she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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