guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
