Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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