I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
