She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I met the friendliest cop last night
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
