his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
