put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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