Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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