a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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