what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
