Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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