We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
