I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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