mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
