Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
