I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
