First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
