batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
