oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
