I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
