my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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