The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
