I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
