I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
