that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
