I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i was born a porn star she said
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
