well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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