You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
