We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
