How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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