I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
honey bunches of taint.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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