Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
