I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
