If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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