dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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