I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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