he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
