I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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