i just google imaged poop.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
