If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
whose parrot is this?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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