My nipple is on Facebook.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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