got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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