haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
