we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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