I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
