I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
