dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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