Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Its about making memories worth repressing
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
