Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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