Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize