So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I had to cum in my sink.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize