Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
