too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
