Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
