I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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