hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just cropdusted the office
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
