I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
