At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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